100 things
1. I really hate school.
2. I am homeschooled.
3. I am a Christian.
4. God has changed my life.
5. My best friends are Whitney and Jessi and Alecia and Audra.
6. I have a 17-year old bro named Nathan,
7. And a 20-year-old sister named Jay.
8. And a 22-year-old bro named Brian.
9. I just turned 13 on the 15th of February.
10. My mother is physically and emotionally abusive.
11. But I love her anyway, for some reason.
12. I am depressed because no guys like me. It not the actually dating. It’s the being asked out. I want to feel wanted.
13. I don’t think I know how to flirt.
14. I think I am a poseur.
15. People at my drama class laugh at me for being Christian, and it makes me sad.
16. Lately I feel like everyone hates me.
17. I am a virgin
18. I really do think I am fat.
19 I think I love my friends a little too much.
20. I am straight.
21. I want a boyfriend.
22. I have an innie belly button.
23. I swallowed some fluids in my mothers stomach when I was a baby, so I was in intensive care for a while.
24. My mother thinks diaryland is stupid.
25. I like four guys, but no one knows who 3 of them are.
26. There is no way any of them would like me. I am mean to one, one thinks of me as a guy, and two think I am annoying.
27. I like macaroni and cheese.
28. I am really loud.
29. I hate when people call me fat.
30. My best guyfriend is Cameron
31. My favorite movies are The Matrix, Daredevil, Miss Congeniality, and Moulin Rouge.
32. Brenda Jennings is like my second mom.
33. Rusty Jennings is like my second dad.
34. I am mean to guys.
35. And I don’t know why.
36. I want to go to public school.
37. The world would go on without me, and that makes me feel insignificant.
38. If I died, I don’t think many people would care.
39. I used to live in Houston.
40. Before that, I lived in New Jersey.
41. I want a dog, because dogs love unconditionally.
42. I feel like no one approves of me.
43. I feel like I have to be better for them.
44. I feel like no one wants me.
45. I hang out with a lot of older kids who gossip about me to my brother, and that makes me sad.
46. I am an ugly crier and I cry a lot.
47. Pretty criers piss me off.
48. Pretty people piss me off.
49. People who hate ugly people piss me off.
50. Non-Christians frustrate me.
51. People without faith in anything frustrate me.
52. I hate people who are fake.
53. But sometimes I think I am fake.
54. I hate people who lie.
55. But I lie.
56. I hate people who insult to feel secure.
57. But I Insult to feel secure.
58. I always wish I am someone else, I have never been pleased with who I am.
59. I think I have too many pimples, my hair is weird, I am too fat, too tall, and my feet are too big. I want my eyes to be a different color, and I want to be petite.
60. I just want to e attractive.
61. I feel like people think of me as the tag-along.
62. I think I’m mean, Even my best friend says I’m mean.
63. I always have to move away from my friends, and so I have never develposed REALLY really strong relationships.
64. I am in the middle of reading a book about martyrs.
65. And I really admire them.
66. I really admire 7 girls at my church as older sisters.
67. Ashley J, Toni,. Bonnie, Amanda L, Kristen, Genna, and Ashleigh M.
68. I really admire three guys in my church like older brothers.
69. Josh, Chris, and Lee.
70. I admire two girls at drama like older sisters.
71. Shae and Caitlin.
72. I feel really trapped.
73. I want to feel free.
74. That is why I really want my driver’s liscense.
75. That is also why I want to go skydiving.
76. I wanted to kill myself once, but I was too much of a wimp.
77. I once had sleeping pills in my hand, and was ready to take them, but I looked at my bible, and thought of my church, and realized I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.
78. There is not one person in the world I trust with everything.
79. But some I trust with most.
80. I am always trying to figire out what I want.
81. I want to be an actress.
82. Because I want to feel loved by people.
83. I also want to help people.
84. Because I want to feel loved.
85. I don’t think anyone realizes how much praise helps.
86. Things that really make my day are things like:
87. “You look pretty today, Claire!”
88. “Thanks, I needed that, Claire.”
89. Do you want to come over, Claire?”
90. “Claire, I love you!”
91. I feel I need to wear good clothes to be loved.
92. I really want to be pretty.
93. I also want to learn how to fight.
94. I really want to impress people.
95. And for people to think I am cool.
96. Everyon thinks my self-esteem is high, but it is really very low.
97. I have been feeling so down lately, and I don’t know why.
98. I need a spring break.
99. My biggest wish is to be loved and wanted.
100. After 13 years of being me, I still don’t know who I am, and what I really want.
~*~Claire~*~